BEANER O'BRIAN'S ABSOLUTELY GINORMOUS GUIDEBOOK TO GUYS
Naomi Nash

My Summer Vacation At A Glance
by Hannah O'Brian

What I wanted to do: Twice-weekly afternoon mochaccinos with friends.
What I actually did: Twice-weekly visits to the emergency room every time my older sister's wedding jitters ruptured my eardrums.

What I wanted to do: Improve relationship with stepmother.
What I actually did: Totally lost ability to listen to her utter, 'What's the dilly-o, my homey?'

What I wanted to do: Get to Coney Island.
What I actually did: Witnessed the freak show that is my future in-laws.

What I wanted to do: Find a guy--any guy!--who would treat me like an actual girl instead of just a buddy.
What I actually did: Snagged the interest of only the CUTEST member of THE most popular boy band in the history of the western world, thank you very much!

What I wanted to do: Finish the abominable school project that's been hanging over my head all summer.
What I actually did: Ended up writing the most gigantic, enormous how-to guide ever . . . .